Deputy Sheriff Ibsen Interviews Kylee Kane
(Kylee and her friend Ted Welch have found and reported a corpse with an arrow in his chest and a deer head in his lap. This is the crime scene interview—interrogation—Deputy Sheriff Nick Ibsen wanted to conduct with ex-girlfriend, Kylee Kane, who dumped him after learning his macho, misogynist views.)
Deputy Ibsen: For the record, please state your full name, address, age, and occupation.
Kylee: (Rolls her eyes.) Like you don’t know.
Ibsen: Answer my questions, or I’ll arrest you for obstruction. I’m in charge. State your name, address, age, and occupation.
Kylee: My name is Kylee Ann Kane. I live on a boat docked at the marina in downtown Beaufort, SC. I’m fifty years old, a Coast Guard retiree.
Ibsen: So, you’re unemployed.
Kylee: Between jobs. Maybe I’ll run for sheriff. I know how much you’d enjoy having a woman as your boss.
Ibsen: (Face gets redder.) That’ll be the day. How does putting around in a little puddle-jumper and boarding fancy yachts to count lifejackets qualify you for anything?
Kylee: (Shaking her head.) Go ahead. Poke fun at the Coast Guard. You never listened when I explained all we do. Everything from keeping ports safe from terrorist attacks to catching drug smugglers and human traffickers. I’m a trained investigator. And I certainly learned more about investigating in the Coast Guard then you did as a grunt in the Marines. I’ve solved more crimes than you’ve investigated.
Ibsen: Well, pardon me, Miss High and Mighty unemployed investigator with no jurisdiction on Hullis Island. What were you doing cruising the island at midnight with this Welch fellow? Kind of suspicious you being the first at the murder scene.
Kylee: (Takes deep breath.) Shortly before midnight, someone driving Dan Finley’s truck used his commercial tank to spray the lawn across from my mother’s house. Since Finley’s feuding with that neighbor, Ted and I suspected Finley was taking out his ire on the neighbor’s grass. When we drove to Finley’s house to confront him about the vandalism, we found his corpse.
Ibsen: What? Were you sitting in your mother’s house using binoculars to play Peeping Penny when you “happened” to see this so-called vandalism?
Kylee: Ibsen, there’s not a window in my mother’s house with a view of that neighbor’s yard. Ted and I were outside—an informal stakeout. We suspected Finley might vandalize the lawn while the owners were out of town. We also hoped to catch the person delivering hate mail to Mom’s mailbox.
Ibsen: (Grinding teeth.) What’s this about hate mail? What did your mother do? The old bat never has an opinion that doesn’t escape her lips. What’s she doing now to provoke her neighbors?
Kylee: You have it backwards. The directors of the Hullis Island Owners Association provoked Mom and lots of her friends. They voted to allow a deer hunt inside the island’s nature preserve. Mom’s convinced the directors can’t make that decision without a membership vote. Whoever put the threatening postcard in Mom’s mailbox disagrees.
Ibsen: Your mother ought to think before she spews her nonsense. She’s just finished chemo, right? Probably addled her brain. If you were a good daughter, you’d explain that hunting is the best way to keep animal populations in check.
Kylee: Hunting is not the issue. You’re not listening again. When we lived in Iowa, Dad hunted quail and rabbits. Mom’s not anti-hunting. She objects to directors making decisions without consulting members. She only asks that they allow discussion of alternatives and put the question to a vote.
Ibsen: What’s your relationship with this Ted Welch? Are you doing the nasty with him?
Kylee: (Sucks in a shocked breath.) Nasty? That might describe anyone having sex with you, but it wouldn’t apply it to most humans. My relationship with Ted is none of your business. However, since I quit seeing you, my taste in men has dramatically improved. If you’re going to ask any more questions along those lines, I want this conversation recorded. A witness would be nice, too. How about Ted?
Ibsen: I’ll talk to him later. See if your stories match. Why’s he mixed up in this anyway? Or are you going to tell me he’s an investigator, too?
Kylee: No, Ted’s company manages the island’s HOA along with a dozen or more other homeowner associations in the Lowcountry. We wanted to talk with Finley to stop the vandalism before tempers in the pro-deer and pro-hunting contingents got any hotter.
Ibsen: Well, your boyfriend and you have done a Cracker Jack job. Poor management led to this Finley’s death. The arrow in his chest and the trophy deer head in his lap are clear giveaways. The killer is some Bambi lover gone berserk.
Kylee: (Sighing.) Doesn’t matter what I say. You’ve already jumped to conclusions instead of investigating. Are we done?
Ibsen: Yeah, get out of here and stay away. The evidence is plain as day. Don’t do anything stupid to contaminate the crime scene or my investigation.
Kylee: (Tongue almost bleeding from biting it. She turns and mumbles to herself.) Think it’s too late to keep stupidity out of this investigation when there’s an idiot in charge.
An HOA Mystery, Book 1
Managing HOAs Can Be Murder
Murder victims in separate Lowcountry homeowner associations appear to have had only two things in common—they antagonized neighbors and their dead bodies were posed to shock. Are HOA feuds provoking these murders? Kylee Kane, a retired Coast Guard investigator, agrees to help her friend’s HOA management company find the answer. After uncovering decades-old links between the murder victims, Kylee IDs the killer’s next target. Can she foil the third act in the killer’s death-as-theater game or will she be the next corpse on display?
Buy Links
5 comments:
Thanks for hosting me today! It was fun giving my characters a chance to talk with each other outside the confines of my book.
Always a pleasure, Linda! Come back any time.
I love the friction between these characters. It is easy to see why he's her ex. With Neighbors Like These is a great summer read.
Love the interview, and the book. What great reads. Thanks
Thanks for the comments, Lorraine and Howard. Yes, there are very good reasons that Deputy Ibsen is an "ex."
Post a Comment