#CRAFTS WITH ANASTASIA--PHOTO COASTERS WITH MYSTERY AUTHOR JAYNE ORMEROD

Jayne Ormerod is the author of more than a dozen novels, novellas, and short stories. After nineteen moves in conjunction with her husband’s military career, they, along with their two mutts, have settled in a cottage near the Chesapeake Bay. The influence of coastal living can be seen in many of her humorous cozy mysteries. Learn more about Jayne and her published works at her website and the Mutt Mysteries website.  

Greetings fellow crafters! My name is Pilar Pruitt, and I am the amateur sleuth in “Pawsitively Scandalous,” one of four cozy novellas in To Fetch a Scoundrel, Four Fun “Tails” of Scandal and Murder. I am a party planner by trade, which means I often need unique party favors for special occasions. Thank goodness my mom passed along her creative gene! 

These photo coasters are a fun project for any kind of stuck-indoors day (and we’ve all had more than our share of those lately…) I’ve used them for Christmas gifts (stacked, and tied up in a pretty ribbon) or at weddings showcasing photos of the bride and groom for attendees to take home. I recently used them at a Puppy Shower I threw for one of my clients. Each attendee went home with a stack of coasters decoupaged with adorable mutts. Who doesn’t love that? 

You ready to share the memories? Ok, then…On your mark, get set, CRAFT!

Materials:

~ 4x4 stone tiles (available at any home improvement store in various neutral shades from cream to taupe.)

~ Stunning pictures (could be precious pets, cute kids, extraordinary events, or lovely landscapes…basically anything you want to put on a coaster). Have them professionally printed on photo paper. (Ink-jet printed photos will not work for this project.) Keep in mind the photos will need to be cropped to fit on the coasters, so plan accordingly. You may want a 4x6 print, or if there is a lot of background that can be cropped out, go with a 5x7 size.

~ Small piece of cardboard cut in a 4”x4” square

~ Pen/pencil for marking cutting lines

~ Paper cutting tool--could be scissors (flat or decorative cut), traditional guillotine cutter (watch your fingers!), utility knife (used with a metal-edged ruler), or trendy Trimmer (a must have for any serious crafter.)

~ Modge Podge

~ 2” paintbrush, either bristle or foam

~ Clear spray-on glaze

46” of 1/2” pliable rope for the back

~ Super Glue

~ A can of your favorite beverage (full or empty)

Directions:

Place cardboard over the image you want to go on your coaster. Trace cutting lines.

Cut the photo inside the cutting lines to avoid leaving marks on the finished project.

Apply a thin coat of Modge Podge to the tile face. Press the photo onto the tile. Make sure it’s centered. Push out air bubbles. (Very similar process to hanging wallpaper, if you are old enough to know that kind of agony.)

Seal the photo by applying a thin coat of Modge Podge on top. Be sure to wipe any drips off the edges.

Balance the finished coaster atop the beverage can to allow it to dry. If you are making multiple coasters at one time, you may need to consume multiple beverages. (That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it!) If you are making more coasters than the number of empty cans you have, there are other options for setting your tiles to dry. Anything less than 4” square and 6” high. Wait 20 minutes.

Repeat Modge Podge/Wait steps. Repeat again and again, if you desire a thicker, more protective finish, up to 5 coats total. Allow to dry for 24 hours.

Spray with clear glaze, one with a hard, heat-resistant finish. Allow to dry per manufacturer’s guidelines.

Now for the back. Using Super Glue (or any strong adhesive that dries clear), start in the center and apply the rope in a tight circular pattern. Press rope firmly to ensure it sticks. Make sure the end is glued tightly. I am the first to admit, this method can be time consuming. I’ve seen other crafters use adhesive spray and apply a piece of 3-1/2” x3-1/2” cork. You can also use felt pads or furniture pads pressed to the four corners. To ensure proper adhesion, be sure to place a heavy object on top while they dry.

Fun. Fancy. Functional. What more could you ask for in a craft project? Time to stock up on Modge Podge and get to work!

To Fetch a Scoundrel

Mutt Mysteries, Book 2

The mystery-solving mutts are back! To Fetch a Scoundrel, the second in the Mutt Mysteries collection, features four tail-wagging novellas. Each story puts pups’ noses to the ground, as scandals are unleashed and killers are collared. Once you’ve finished reading these tall “tails,” you’ll no longer wonder “Who let the dogs out?” You’ll just be glad somebody did! Stories include:

“The Fast and the Furriest” by Heather Weidner

Isn’t there enough action under the lights at the Amelia Race Track without the drama of a love triangle? An altercation leads to murder, and owner Cassidy Green and her Rottweiler Oliver have to uncover clues and find the killer before the bad publicity destroys her business.

“Pawsitively Scandalous” by Jayne Ormerod

What’s with the crime wave in the Grant’s Garden neighborhood? First a respectable member is arrested for crimes unknown, and then another neighbor dies under mysterious circumstances. Pilar Pruitt and her black lab/mix Natti are on the case, and the secrets they uncover are paws-itively scandalous!

“Ruff Goodbye” by Rosemary Shomaker

Does everyone bar owner Len Hayes knows have a secret? Yes, and secrets unravel after a funeral home visitation for Len’s late friend Curt. Miniature poodle Cloud signals danger. A certain black Lab may safeguard the truth. Will canine intervention ensure no one pays the ultimate price?

“A Doggone Scandal” by Teresa Inge

Catt Ramsey, owner of the Woof-Pack Dog Walkers, is back on the case when she receives a mysterious note in her pet supply order. Convinced the sender’s motive is scandalous, Catt packs up her SUV and heads to the Outer Banks with her sister Em, family friend Jonathan Ray, and pups Cagney and Lacey to solve the mystery.

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BOOK CLUB FRIDAY -- GUEST AUTHOR JAYNE ORMEROD

Jayne Ormerod writes what she knows—small towns (influenced by her childhood growing up in Chagrin Falls, Ohio) and beach settings (a result of 28 years as a navy spouse, always living within a flip-flop’s throw of the ocean.) Thanks to a youth spent reading Nancy Drew and an adulthood devouring the words of Janet Evanovich, she can now write about amateur sleuths, wacky escapades and dead bodies with a modicum of authority. Her first cozy mystery, The Blond Leading the Blond, was released in October, 2011. Learn more about Jayne by visiting her website or blog.   

Jayne has graciously offered a copy of The Blond Leading the Blond to one of our readers who posts a comment. And a warning to all, be sure you’re not drinking coffee or anything while reading this guest post. I was and nearly sprayed my keyboard and monitor! -- AP

You’re Never Too Old to Stop Learning

By Jayne Ormerod

You may think it odd when I tell you I haven’t flown since the 9-11 terrorist attacks on the U.S. Actually, I haven’t flown since well before then, and only because a short notice event (a funeral) prevented me from making the journey via what experts consider the less safe (but it keeps for wheels on the ground) option, my SUV. It’s not that I have allowed terrorists to frame my fear, but that I have developed my own fear based on experimentations with gravity conducted as a child. I pretended to be a graceful red Cardinal and took flight out of a tree—and promptly landed in a painful heap on the cold, rocky ground. This attempt at flying necessitated a trip to the ER, which meant I couldn’t attend my best friend’s birthday party that afternoon. (I was more upset about missing the pony rides than having to wear a cast for six weeks, but I digress.) My point is if a little, lithe me couldn’t maintain a state of airborne-ness for more than two seconds, how can a behemoth piece of metal carrying a hundred people be able to soar at 34,000 feet without crashing to the ground?

But alas, writers must travel. Often long distances, and sometimes on short notice. A few weeks ago I found myself needing to get from Point A to Point B, which was 600 miles away, in the most expedient manner. Only now my fears were compounded by tales of aggressive and frightful TSA screenings accompanied by threats of TSA jail if I did not conduct myself in a strict and regimented manner like that portrayed in “The Soup Nazi” episode of Seinfeld. But needs must, so I booked a ticket.

At the airport, I piled my traveling belongings into gray tubs and avoided making eye contact or chatting up the screeners, as instructed by my husband and son, world travelers both. Thus I was surprised when a TSA agent spoke to me.

“Your jacket,” she said.

“Coldwater Creek,” I answered, looking down and once again praising my choice in selecting the sage-green velvet jacket with big showy snaps down the front. I was quite proud that I found something that could be paired with a cute pair of shoes that I could slip on and off easily, thus avoiding complications with both TSA and TFP (The Fashion Police.)

The stern-faced TSA spoke again. “You have to take your jacket off and put it in the bin.” She nodded towards the gray bin in my hands. “The snaps, they’re metal…”

That was all it took for me to hit my internal panic button. I dropped the bin, reached into my purse, fished around for a second, then yelled in a tone of voice one usually reserved for announcing a fire in a crowded theater, “Oh my god! I left my wallet at the Pizza Hut Counter!” Thus my actions of grabbing all my traveling belongings and shoving my way back through the line of passengers seemed to be warranted.

It’s not that I suddenly freaked at the thought of flying in an airplane. Nor had I suddenly freaked out at witnessing the elderly lady in front of me being hauled away because they’d found nail clippers in the pocket of her carryon. My freak out was because there was no way in H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks I was going to remove my clothes anyplace but in the privacy of my own bedroom. For you see, underneath my stylin’ jacket I had only a turtleneck…or what appeared from the neck up to be a turtleneck, but was merely the collar of a sweater in what’s known in women’s fashions as a Dickey. And if I took my jacket off, I had nothing underneath but a two-sizes too-small bra with yellow sweat stains and nothing to hide my muffin-top of skin that oozed over my tight corduroys and glowed like a fluorescent Martian.  

I raced in the direction of the Pizza Hut counter and ducked into the nearest restroom where I locked myself in the back stall. With shaking fingers, I unzipped my overnight case and dug around for an alternative outfit. Something with nary a metal snap, button or zipper. I had two choices, my sleek, satin nightie or my ratty, tattered, torn and stained, but comfy and comforting sweatshirt. My writing sweatshirt. The one I put on when I snuggle up with my laptop at 3 a.m. (it’s a menopause thing) and kill people (that’s not a menopause thing, but a mystery writer thing) in my latest work in progress.

I obviously opted for the sweatshirt. And after having removed my nail clippers from my purse and tossing them into the trash bin (thank goodness I remembered they were in there), I once again headed for the gate. Only this time I had lost my Sophisticated Traveler swagger and now felt more like someone heading out to 7-11 at midnight to buy a bag of Nacho Doritos. Fingers crossed I would make it through the screening process without further incident. 

As luck would have it, I ended up in the same line as the stern-faced TSA agent as before. Only this time, she nodded at me and cracked the barest hint of a smile.

           

It was then I realized the saying printed in sassy red letters on the front of my writing sweatshirt isn’t the best thing to be wearing when being scrutinized by no-nonsense people looking for hijackers attempting to sneak weapons onboard a plane.

You see, my favorite writing sweatshirt says, “You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word. ~ Al Capone”

So even at my advanced age, I learned two things that trip. First, never, ever wear a dickey under a snap-front jacket when going through a metal detector at airport screening, and some TSA agents do have a sense of humor. 

Now that had to be one of the funniest guest posts we've had! Thanks for visiting with us today, Jayne. Readers, what did you think? Have any TSA stories to tell? Post a comment for a chance to win a copy of  The Blond Leading the Blond. -- AP