LUCILLE UNMASKED

An interviewer once told my author Lois Winston that she loved me, the reluctant amateur sleuth of herAnastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries. However, the character she really, really loved was my communist mother-in-law. “You write the best antagonists!” she said, then asked Lois where she came up with the idea of giving me a communist mother-in-law. 

Ever since Assault with a Deadly Glue Gun, the first book in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series, debuted in 2011, Lucille Pollack has been the character readers love to hate. Maybe it’s because so many of them have their own mother-in-law issues.

 

Or maybe it’s because Lucille is such an over-the-top unbelievable character. I’m sure there are many readers who think so, but here’s a little secret: Unlike all the other characters in the series, Lucille didn’t spring from my author’s imagination. The woman who makes the Wicked Witch of the West look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm is based almost entirely on Lois’s own communist mother-in-law.

 

Yes, you read that correctly. Lois’s mother-in-law was a card-carrying commie. Beyond that, though, she was nasty—really nasty—especially if you dared to have an opinion that differed from hers. According to Lois, her mother-in-law was a self-proclaimed expert on every subject. And she was always right—about everything. No one else’s opinions mattered because everyone else was always wrong. You didn’t have conversations with her; you were lectured—on every subject under the sun. Moreover, on the rare occasions when she failed at something, it was always someone or something else’s fault. Never hers.

 

A couple Lois knew and whom her father-in-law had befriended, once called her the day after they had dinner with her in-laws. They wanted to know how she put up with “that woman.”

 

Even Lois’s father-in-law, who had always seen his wife through rose-colored glasses, eventually woke up to her true nature. Toward the end of his life, when he needed her most, she was too selfish and too self-centered to be bothered.

 

The thing about antagonistic people, though, is that, although they’re insufferable in real life, they make great antagonists on the page. Lois’s mother-in-law grew increasingly nastier the older she got. Lois dealt by bringing her doppelganger to life in the form of Lucille Pollack, my communist mother-in-law. 

 

Of course, I have to ask, what did I ever do to Lois that she’d stick me with the fictional communist mother-in-law from Hades? I’m still waiting for an answer.

Do you know someone who would make a great antagonist? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook (US or UK only) of A Sew Deadly Cruise, the ninth book in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series, or any one of the other eight titles now available as audiobooks.

#COOKING WITH CLORIS--LISTEN WHILE YOU BAKE CHRISTMAS BAR COOKIES!

If you’re like me (and probably most of us) right now, you’re up to your eyeballs in holiday prep. Especially if certain family members have been raiding the Christmas cookie jar, and you suddenly find yourself in need of some last-minute baking! Frazzled? Stressed? Already tired of the same old/same old Christmas music that’s been playing since before Halloween? Instead of listening to Grandma getting run over by a reindeer for the umpteenth time, why not multitask and tick a few books off your reading TBR pile while you’re elbow deep in gingerbread dough and sprinkles?

The first eight books of the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery series are now available in audiobook format. Put Anastasia on the case, and she’ll figure out which reindeer was the culprit in grandma’s demise as she reluctantly stumbles her way through murder and mayhem but always figures out whodunit in the end.

And speaking of last minute baking, here’s a bar cookie you can whip up in no time. You don’t even need to lug out the stand mixer!

 

Quick ‘n Easy Bar Cookies

Yield: 24 bars

 

Ingredients:

2-3/4 cups spooned and leveled all-purpose flour

1-1/2 tsp. cornstarch

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1 cup unsalted butter

1 cup packed brown sugar, either light or dark

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 room temperature lg. eggs

2 tsp.  vanilla extract

1/2 cup each mini semi-sweet chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, and butterscotch or caramel chips

1/2 cup chopped toasted pecans or walnuts.

Christmas sprinkles

 

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line the bottom and sides of a 9×13-inch baking pan with parchment paper, leaving an overhang on the sides for lifting bars from the pan. 

 

In a large bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, baking soda, and salt together. 

 

Melt the butter and allow to cool for 5 minutes.

 

In a medium bowl, whisk the melted butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar until no brown sugar lumps remain. Whisk in the eggs and vanilla extract. 

 

Pour wet ingredients into dry ingredients and mix together with large spoon or spatula.  Fold in the chips and nuts. 

 

Transfer dough to the prepared baking pan and press into an even layer. Add sprinkles, pressing lightly onto dough.

 

Bake for 25–30 minutes or until lightly browned on sides and top. A toothpick inserted in the center should come out mostly clean. Don’t over-bake. 

 

Place pan on wire rack and allow bars to cool at least an hour. Lift bars from pan and cut into squares. (Note: a pizza cutter works well for cutting.)

 

Remember, along with cookies, if you’re pressed for last minute gifts, don’t forget that an audiobook subscription or a gift card for ebooks or print make great gifts.

Happy holidays from author Lois Winston, her reluctant amateur sleuth Anastasia Pollack, and all the other characters swimming around in Lois's brain.

GRAMMAR PET PEEVE: I VS. ME

When the cat’s away, the mice will play. And when my author Lois Winston is off at a writing conference, I, the eponymous reluctant amateur sleuth of her Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series, have decided I need a break. So instead of tracking down a guest author for today’s blog post, I’ve gone into Lois’s files and taken a guest post she wrote about a year and a half ago for author Kathleen Kaska. (After all, this is supposed to be my blog, not Lois’s, right?) In this post Lois was on a rant about grammar. I can’t say that I blame her. I feel the same way about the use of “I” and “me,” but I suppose that’s because everything about me springs from Lois’s mind. Anyway, without further ado, here it is:

I vs. Me

By Lois Winston

 

Peggy Riley Hughes, my seventh and eighth grade English teacher, was a grammar martinet. Her weapon of choice was a yardstick which she slammed against the blackboards that lined the front and one side of our classroom, metaphorically beating grammar rules into her students. As a result, those blackboards were pockmarked with tiny gouges. Rumor had it that she once shattered one of those blackboards. Occasionally, her yardstick would even come down on the desk of a clueless student. If you had Peggy Riley Hughes for English, you learned grammar—one way or another.

 

In My Fair Lady, Henry Higgins laments, “Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?” Not a day goes by that I don’t think of that song and Peggy Riley Hughes. I may no longer remember the names of all the parts of speech or parts of a sentence, but I remember the rules Mrs. Hughes drummed into us. And I cringe every time I see or hear certain ones being broken.

 

I’ll be the first to admit I lost my reverence for the OED when they declared it was acceptable to split infinitives. Do you have any idea the reaming out I would have gotten had I dared to split an infinitive on a writing assignment?

 

But the breaking of the grammar rule that bugs me the most is when I see or hear a nominative pronoun being used in the objective case. For those of you who didn’t have a Peggy Riley Hughes in your life, the nominative case is the subject of a sentence. It’s where you use I, he, she, and they. The objective case is when a noun or pronoun is used as the object of the sentence. For pronouns, that’s me, him, her, and them. It’s the direct or indirect object of the sentence or the object in a prepositional phrase.

 

Putting it simply, you wouldn’t say, “He’s going with I” or “Jack drove she to the store.” You’d say, “He’s going with me” or “Jack drove her to the store.” So why would you say, “He’s going with Anna and I” or “Jack drove she and I to the store”? When you think about it, it makes no sense.

 

Yet I see the nominative being used in place of the objective in just about every book I’ve read for years now. It doesn’t matter if it’s a first-time indie-published author or a multi-published New York Times bestselling author from a major publishing house. Maybe schools aren’t teaching grammar anymore, but wouldn’t you think editors would be schooled in proper grammar usage?

 

I admit, this is one of my major pet peeves. In the greater scheme of life, I suppose it’s a minor one, but it’s like fingernails on a blackboard when I read or hear an “I,” “she,” “he,” or “they” when it’s supposed to be a “me,” “her,” “him” or “them.” Maybe it’s a bit of PTSD from all those whacks of the yardstick from back in my junior high days.

What's your grammar pet peeve? Post a comment for a chance to win a promo code for a free audiobook of Scrapbook of Mystery, the sixth book in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series.

WHO DOESN'T LOVE A GOOD VILLAIN?

My author Lois Winston has been told that she writes villains readers love to hate. She gets more fan mail about my communist mother-in-law than she does about me. (I’m not sure how I feel about that!)  

Most readers love heroes and heroines because they yearn to associate with the good guys. They want to see good triumph over evil. They want the vicarious thrill of a happily-ever-ending. Little girls want to grow up to be Princess Leia. Little boys want to grow up to be Luke Skywalker. No one wants to grow up to be the Wicked Witch of the West or Darth Vader.

 

Yet, readers remain fascinated by villains. They often drive the story with their complex natures. Why would someone do such evil things? We want to know what drives these madmen and madwomen to commit the crimes they do. Who wasn’t totally intrigued by Voldemort’s back-story? Or Darth Vader’s? Or Cruella De Vil? Or the Wicked Witch of the West?

 

However, too often authors succumb to writing stereotypical villains. Lois has told me that even the vilest of vile villains has to have a reason for his or her vileness. Snidely Whiplash is one-dimensional. We want to read about 3-dimensional characters, and that’s not limited just to the protagonists of a story. Villains count. They drive plots forward. Without them, the story has no conflict.

Who are some of your favorite fictional villains? Post a comment for a chance to win an audiobook of your choice of either Death by Killer Mop Doll or Revenge of the Crafty Corpse, the second and third books in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series about yours truly.

AND THEN THERE WERE 3…ANASTASIA POLLACK CRAFTING MYSTERY AUDIOBOOKS!

As I mentioned in a post the beginning of January, my author Lois Winston has teamed up with narrator/producer Alex Bitton-Bailey to produce audiobooks of the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mysteries, those books where Lois is always forcing me to confront dead bodies and figure out whodunit before the killer strikes again.

The third audiobook, Revenge of the Crafty Corpse, is now available through Audible, iTunes, and Amazon. Better yet, Lois has a select number of both US and UK promo codes for free downloads from Audible. If you prefer to listen to your mysteries rather than read them, post a comment to the blog for a chance to win one of the promo codes. All Lois, Alex, and I ask in return is that when you’re finished listening, you post a review on Audible and wherever else you review. Happy listening!

 

Revenge of the Crafty Corpse

An Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery, Book 3

 

Anastasia Pollack’s dead louse of a spouse has left her with more bills than you can shake a crochet hook at. Teaching craft classes at her mother-in-law’s assisted living center seems like an easy way to supplement her meager income. But when Lyndella Wegner—a 98-year-old know-it-all with a penchant for ruffles and lace—turns up dead, Anastasia’s cantankerous mother-in-law becomes the prime suspect in her murder. Upon discovering that Lyndella’s scandalous craft projects—and her scandalous behavior—made her plenty of enemies, Anastasia sets out to find the real killer before her mother-in-law ends up behind bars.

 

Buy Links

hardcover 

paperback 

ebook 

audiobook