HEALTHY LIVING WITH GUEST AUTHOR LINDA COUSINE

Linda Cousine writes romantic comedy and tells people she holds a master’s degree in menopause and a B.S. in BS. When she isn’t standing in front of the freezer or taking ice baths, she can be found at her computer writing something with the word “Hot.” Learn more about Linda and her books at her website. 

September is National Menopause Awareness Month

First, I’d like to thank the lovely editor Anastasia Pollack for having me today. Truthfully, I would rather have been giving this interview to the other Anna—Anna Wintour—the editor of Vogue, but I’m persona non grata ever since I wrote that article titled “Finger-Licking Good” promoting a new line of potted and flavored lip gloss. Apparently, Ms. Wintour found my article too sexually suggestive for her readers. But any excuse to talk about myself is a good one, so let me formally introduce myself …

I’m Lexi Taylor, former international supermodel-turned-shoe-mogul (it was design shoes, or housewares—the washed-up-model hell where all aging models go to die.) I’m a not-so-fabulous fifty whatever, and my friend-slash-frenemy—depending on the day—Linda Cousine, writes satirical books about me struggling to keep my life, my looks, and my libido on track in the face of impending menopause. Linda likes to say the books are loosely based on her life, but come on, Linda; you were on, what, one measly billboard in L.A.? I was on the cover of every major fashion magazine for over thirty years. And you know what they say … Those who can, do … and those who can’t, write about it.

Linda has dubbed her/my books the Middle-Aged Hottie series. In Hotter than Ever, the first book in the series, I wind up in a menopausal nuthouse after a family intervention convinces me I need some professional help. (I swear it was a total accident that I pinned my husband to the door of the garage with my car and broke his leg. My stiletto was stuck under the accelerator. It was sheer coincidence he had just asked for a divorce and was holding his suitcase in his hand.)

In Too Hot to Hold, Richard and I try to patch things up, but it’s rough going when he moves back in and brings his buddies from his newfound career—pro-wrestling—with him. (I know, right? Pro wrestling? Don’t even get me started.) You don’t know what chaos is until your home is invaded by a gentle giant, a cannonballing midget, and a monkey with a police record. If my hormones weren’t finally on track with the help of all those doctors at Sunnyvale Sanitarium: Home for the Mostly Menopausal, I just may have lost it—again.

And so, in recognition of National Menopause Awareness Month, let me share some menopause facts as presented by www.menopauseawarenessmonth.org 

• By the year 2030, roughly 1.2 billion women will be suffering from menopause.
• The average woman will hit menopause around the age of 50.
• Smoking increases your odds of early menopause.
• 80% of menopausal women suffer from hot flashes.
• Caffeine and alcohol can increase the severity of hot flashes.
• 40% of all women suffer from mood swings caused by hormonal dips.
• Prior to menopause, women are three times less likely to have a heart attack than men. After menopause, the odds are equal.

Now for the good news!

A Gallup survey done in 1998 reported that 51 percent of American women between the ages of 50 and 65 who have reached menopause said they are more fulfilled and happier than ever. Many treatments are now available to women to help with menopausal symptoms. Both Linda and I are proponents of HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and use bioidentical hormones. As all women have different health issues, check with your doctor to see if HRT is right for you.

Menopause is not a disease or a disorder; it’s unavoidable and is perfectly natural. (But so is death, and I’m not ready to give into that yet, either.)

Thank you for letting me share, and remember, ladies … We’re not getting older; we’re getting hotter!

XOXO,

Lexi Taylor

Too Hot to Hold

Lexi Taylor is no stranger to midlife crisis. After all, a menopausal meltdown landed her at the Sunnyvale Sanitarium Home for the Mostly Menopausal for a ninety-day stay. Since finding her sanity there, this former supermodel’s faculties are back on track. She puts family first, and is on the road to patching things up with her ex-husband, Richard, who seems intent on turning up the heat between them.

But when Richard moves back in, he brings his buddies from his pro wrestling career with him—a gentle giant, a cannonballing midget, and a monkey with a police record. Lexi’s Bel Air home has become a regular three-ring-circus. Add a new ex-husband with erratic mood swings, and a questionable vitamin therapy, and Lexi wonders if she’s making the right choice. After a spa weekend with her daughter that turns out to be a visit to a nudist commune, a modeling gig that’s actually an ad for adult diapers, and extortion for a sex video she didn’t know existed, Lexi feels close to losing it—again. But this time, hormones are the least of her worries as Lexi must find a way to keep her family together and save her ex-husband from jeopardizing his health. She faces one of the biggest challenges of her menopausal life: does her past have a place in her future? Or is it time to move on?

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BOOK CLUB FRIDAY--GUEST AUTHOR SUZY TURNER

Suzy Turner is a Brit living in Portugal. She’s worked as a journalist, assistant editor, features editor, and magazine editor. Nearly four years ago she turned her attention to fiction and has since written six young adult novels and recently published her first chick lit novel, Forever Fredless. Today she joins us with a sneak peek at that book. Learn more about Suzy at her website, her chick lit blog, and her YA blog. – AP

Forever Fredless

Kate Robinson has spent the past two decades yearning to find her soul mate, the boy she found and then lost during a family holiday. Shortly after her twenty-eighth birthday, however, she inherits a fortune from an old family friend and becomes something of an overnight celebrity. Can her new-found fame lead her to him after all this time?

EXCERPT

Thank God for anti-perspirant, I thought as I sat on the couch and waited for the countdown to begin. I clutched at my hands until they were white and looked across at the two people sitting opposite, both completely at ease in front of the cameras.

Five, four, three, two, one...

'Welcome back to this morning's edition of Good Morning GB,' announced Ireland Rothschild, the blonde-haired, blue eyed darling of morning TV. 'I'm here with Fergus O'Reilly and we've a special guest with us this morning. None other than Britain's love-struck multi-millionaire, Kate Robinson. 'Welcome, Kate,' she said with a dazzling smile aimed more towards the camera than at me.

As my cheeks began to heat up, I was so grateful to the make-up artist, who had insisted on caking on the foundation before the show had started. In fact, I had so much make-up on that I was hoping once I'd removed it, nobody would recognise me when I headed to the airport in my now rather stupidly chosen car. I couldn't exactly blend in driving a pink Mini could I?

'Good morning,' I whispered shyly.

Fergus grinned back at me, tilting his head as if he was about to speak to a child. 'Now, tell us, Kate dear, how does it feel to never have to worry about money ever again?' he asked, his toothpaste advert teeth twinkling beneath the heat of the studio lights.

'Erm, well, I guess it's... erm, kind of... erm,' I felt so bloody stupid. Great time for my brain to stop working. 'I - erm. Great,' I nodded. 'Great, really great.' Idiot.

Ireland glanced across at her grey-haired colleague and pouted before nodding. 'Tell us how you knew this man. This,' she glanced down at the iPad on her lap and continued, 'Samuel?'

I cleared my throat and lifted my head, feeling like my brain was back in action. 'He was a very good friend of the family, some years ago,' I answered.

'Just a friend? Why did he leave you all his money and his property?' asked Fergus.

'He didn't have any family and I guess you could say that my mother and I were the closest he ever had to a family.'

'Isn't that lovely?' pouted Ireland. 'You certainly are a lucky woman. But what about your mother? Didn't she receive any of his inheritance?'

'No,' I said before swallowing hard. 'My mother lives a rather... nomadic lifestyle, in Africa. She doesn't want any of it. All she asked of me was to donate a sum to charity which, of course, I have done.'

'She lives in Africa? A nomadic lifestyle? That sounds intriguing. Perhaps we should interview her one of these days,' laughed Ireland and Fergus together.

'Have you splashed out on anything since receiving your inheritance back in June?' they asked, leaning forward eagerly awaiting my answer.

'Yes I have actually. I bought a car and a new house.'

'Well good for you, Kate. But now, most of us are curious about this boy you lost. Tell us about him?'

Oh no. Why did I agree to this?

Taking a deep breath, I knew I had no choice. Several articles had been printed since the one in Liberty; everyone wanted to know more and nobody was going to leave me alone until I told them everything.

'He was just a boy who I had a connection with when I was much, much younger. It was at Skegness. At an afternoon disco for kids. I was dancing and I felt someone touch my back and when I turned around there he was.  The most beautiful boy I'd ever seen,' I said, stopping and smiling as I reminisced. ‘It was one of the happiest memories of my life.'

Sighing, I continued, 'We just looked at each other and it was like everything else just disappeared into the background. We stood staring, for what seemed like ages. I could barely move. And then, almost as soon as it had begun, my dad appeared and took me away. I couldn't do anything as we walked to the car. I looked around for the boy but he was gone. And then, just as we were driving away, I turned around in my seat and there he was. He had a daffodil in his hand. I always assumed he'd gone to pick it for me, but that's just a childish fantasy, I guess. The whole thing is probably nothing but a childish fantasy, really.'

Ireland was very carefully dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, pretending to be moved, while Fergus smiled sadly.

'What a beautiful story, Kate. I don't believe for one second that this is a childish fantasy. It's romantic and beautiful,' Ireland said.

'Now, tell us, Kate. Why did you call him Fred?' asked Fergus.

Smiling, I explained about the Right Said Fred song, just as the music began in the background.

'What a wonderful tale. Thank you, Kate, for joining us today. It's been a pleasure having you with us to share your story,' said Fergus.

'Thank you,' I whispered before the camera moved back to Ireland as she straightened her skirt and looked alluring.

'Do you remember this moment in time?' she asked. 'Are you the elusive Fred? We'd love to hear from you. You can contact us at...'

Before I could hear anything else, I was ushered off the couch and back behind the scenes where Jo stood, waiting patiently for me, with open arms.

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