DECORATING WITH JEANIE -- DEVIL'S DIP STICK

Here at American Woman magazine, we don’t have a gardening editor. That’s because Trimedia, our parent company has several magazines exclusively devoted to gardening. What we do have is our resident Earth Mother, decorating editor Jeanie Sims. Today Jeanie steps out of the decorating world and rants about something familiar to all suburban home owners. -- AP

Thanks, Anastasia! You know that saying in the Bible about the meek inheriting the Earth? As we say in New Jersey, fuggedaboutit. If my yard is any indication, the Earth will be inherited by rabbits, squirrels, weeds, and Devil’s Dip Stick.

Even though all the trees on my property, save one, have died and been removed or come down in storms  over past few years, my yard is still Squirrel Mecca. They come from miles around to feast on my garden. Nothing stops them. As for the rabbits, they’ve built an entire city under my back deck. What the squirrels don’t find tasty, the rabbits do. And once again, absolutely nothing I do to evict them works. They’re so fearless, that you can walk right up to them, and they won’t veer from their nibbling.

Then there are the weeds. I spend hours weeding (and wondering why I bother because the weeds never have time to choke the plants since the rabbits and squirrels are eating all of them!) only to have the darned things reappear the next day. Of course it doesn’t help that the people who moved in next door do absolutely nothing to maintain their yard, and all their weed seeds are constantly blowing over onto my property. Seems to me, if you want to own a home, you have an obligation to keep that home and its surrounding yard properly maintained. If not, buy a condo and pay HOA fees to have someone else do it for you.

But of all the problems I am facing this summer, the worst is the Devil’s Dip Stick. Never heard of it? Devil’s Dip Stick is a mushroom that looks like an inflamed male member (see photo.) I kid you not. It’s even got white balls growing under the soil, not to mention brown ooze spilling forth from the top. And it seems to love my flower and vegetable beds. I believe the invasion started last year with a batch of tainted mulch containing the fungus spores. As careful as I am digging them up, to avoid spreading more spores, the more persistent the little buggers are. It’s enough to make this Earth Mother yearn for an apartment in the city.

And if you know Jeanie, that’s something. She hates concrete and highrises! Thanks for the rant, Jeanie. I’m sure many of our readers can commiserate with you. So how about it? What’s your worst yard nemesis? Let’s hear from you. Post a comment to be eligible for a free book this week from our Book Club Friday guest author. -- AP